11 Reasons You Might Want to “Listen” in a New Way

        This might be you. It’s definitely me or has been me at least some time.

  • Crave more ease in life.

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  •  Reactive: sometimes it seems like everything bothers you.

frustrated

  • Misunderstood: other people don’t seem to get what you “mean.”

    nooneunderstands

  • Escapist: you look for relief and create habits that affect other parts of life.

junk food

  • Distractible: you’ve been told you weren’t listening to someone else, when you thought you were.

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  • Overwhelmed: Decisions and actions don’t seem possible.

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  • Procratinating: you put off important things (tasks, projects, people, experiences) in your life.

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  • Imposter: you feel disconnected from your authentic life – a bit like a faker.behind the mask_192169424
  • Unappreciated: You figure being your own best friend is a good idea, but how do you do it?

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Focusing is one powerful and simple process that lets you be supportive of other people and yourself – so the important things in your life can move forward freely.

Focusing has made a huge difference in how I am, what I do and how I feel. It made (and still makes)  such a difference that I got certified so I could teach other people too!

Sooooo, if you’re interested in being more of a friend to yourself,

I’m teaching an introductory Focusing workshop, “Listening To You” on Oct. 18th at Westchester Community College, Valhalla, NY.

It’s affordable!

Click to  SIGN-UP. If you click the photo below, you’ll get to the brochure

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Wednesday Words

“Often we treat certain aspects of ourselves as junk, having no value. We try to throw parts of ourselves in the garbage. But a human being is an ecosystem, and everything in that system is of value to the whole.”

– Stephen Schwartz.

hole-in-heartAre you abandoning the parts you don’t like? At what cost? What if you could learn to include all of you?

You are always welcome to poke around at Move Into Change. If you’re ready,  let’s see if we can work together.

The First Time Artful Insight Collage Saved My @–

I would never ask you to invest time or money in something I haven’t used myself and seen make a difference for lots of people. Still, cutting and pasting images to tap into intuition has got to sound a bit “woo-woo” to some you, so I thought I might tell you a story or two.

Story #1 How Artful Insight Collage Saved My @–

I was excited when the chancellor of my graduate school program (I was 56) asked me to speak at commencement. Then I panicked. All of the sudden, it seemed that I knew nothing about what I’d experienced in those two years. I had no idea what to write. When I say nothing came…literally, nada. The voice screaming, “You’re running out of time,” got louder and I got more stuck.

 Just days til graduation, I considered cancelling. That would have felt worse. Then it dawned on me to use the Accessing Inner Wisdom(c) technique created by Mona Constantini that I’d learned in that very program. Two hours later, paper scraps littering my floor, I had a collage that gave me clues. Clues! The next day, I wrote the speech in one sitting. I got great feedback about it. The school featured it in their marketing materials. And I had fun! Here is the speech.

TGI collage

In the years since, I’ve adapted the technique to my clients, incorporating bits from Focusing and brain-based strategies creating Artful Insight Collage.

Story #2  Jeanne’s Job Review Turnaround

Jeanne was preparing for her end of year job review. To say she wasn’t looking forward to it is understatement. Though a highly effective professional, Jeanne was struggling with questions about her strengths, accomplishments and vision for the next year. Her confidence was flagging.

 After a 2-hour Artful Insight collage session, Jeanne validated her strengths, found words for what she really does well, discovered and affirmed her work values, and got some new ideas too! She found the process more profound than she imagined. It was a relief from “all that trying to figure it out.”  

 “No one was more surprised that I was at the encouraging insights I got. I confess, I was rolling my eyes while I did it.”                                                                                 Susan T. 

 People have used Artful Insight Collage to help with anything from gaining clarity about a specific decision, to insight into a relationship.

There are many more stories of new insights and surprising discoveries, yours could be one of them.

To sign up:

1.Pick a date.  April 30  Tuesday   6:30 – 8:30 PM or May 1  Wednesday   9:30 -11:30 AM

2.Call Pound Ridge Recreation to reserve (914) 764- 0947  (Mon. – Fri. 9am -4:30 PM)

3.Send a check for $20.00 made out to Town of Pound Ridge.                                           179 Westchester Ave., Pound Ridge, NY 10576

4.Show up! Conant Hall 257 Westchester Ave., Pound Ridge, NY  easy to get to directions

Questions? Feel free to email me or call  (917 450-1524)

Know someone who you think might like this, send them here

Meditation Monday Day #78: Stepping Out and In Again

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Oh man, just when you think you’ve “got it,” the next bit of learning beckons. Usually it comes in some form of an obstacle. Today, its name is frustration.

After a week of smooth meditation practice in which breaths came and went in variations on the theme of Hello, Goodbye, today’s practice started out like a night of tossing and turning. All over the place and no place at all.

First, I try reining myself in with an image of a horse at the bit. That feels harsh and my body contracts. Next I imagine my breaths as a rabble of butterflies captured in a net for observation. Somehow, even though the net is gauzy, it feels wrong and damaging to the butterflies’ wings to boot. The butterflies are flinging themselves at the confinement of the net and seem more agitated than before. Yikes, I’m creating resistance to the very thing I want.

What is it I want? I want a butterfly to alight and then settle on a flower, calm. In order to have that, I can’t capture it, I must invite it. I must unfold petals and offer Presence*. I’ve forgotten Presence; no, not forgotten – stepped out of it. Presence is the opposite of force.Narcissus unfoldingI can step into it again, remembering that a flower doesn’t question its ability to be a flower.

* Presence: The state of being that includes all experience with awareness, gentle curiosity,  and compassion (taken fromFocusing work).

How’s it going for you?

Want to ask a private question? email: judy@moveintochange.com             You might want to check out moveintochange.com too. That’s where there’s info about coaching and coaching with me. Go… and then go forth and tell your friends. Thank you.

Related articles & photo credit:

You might want to check out moveintochange.com too. That’s where there’s info about coaching and coaching with me. Go… and then go forth and tell your friends. Thanks.

Standing at the Corner of Empathy and Compassion

Following up on yesterday’s post where I experienced Street Corner Compassion. It got me thinking…

Why compassion?

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”                                                                               Dalai Lama

I see Street Corner Compassion as an expression(s) of human kindness through commonplace actions in an ordinary setting.

Daniel Goleman, in an interview in Tricycle, reminds us that we are wired for empathy. He describes compassion as a the highest step in a natural emotional sequence that begins with paying attention, moves into empathy and culminates in compassion.

Street Corner Compassion is simple and easy.

Street corner compassion can be opening the door for a woman struggling with a stroller, bending down to help someone pick up spilled contents of a wallet, or asking the driver to wait for someone running for the bus. It might even look suspiciously like “good manners” if only politeness always grew out of empathy instead of feeling like disembodied rules of behavior handed down from authorities.

If Street Corner Compassion is so easy, why don’t we give and receive it more often?

First of all, you already give and receive compassion. I do. We all do. Sometimes we don’t even notice we’ve acted compassionately or we just don’t stop to name it. There are some things, though, that get in the way of more practice:

  • We’re busy. We tend to rush everywhere and when we’re not rushing we tend to be paying attention to the stream of thoughts running through our heads while looking at tweets, texts and FB. We forget to pause, to look in then out. Oh yeah, that.
  • Feeling someone’s pain (or elation, for that matter) can be overwhelming.
  • Without some skills to manage the overwhelm, we react by either hardening against out sensations, shutting them out or pushing them aside, or, we give up to apathy and confusion, “I don’t know where to start, there’s no way I can help everyone who needs it.”
  • We have expectations that true compassion ought to look different than the everyday kind, like it’s only good if it’s on the scale of Mother Teresa, or that terrific kid who delivers coats to the homeless all winter long.
  • We think we have to respond in a way that another part of us feels is more than we can handle – now what?

Since Street Corner Compassion makes a palpable difference for our collective well-being, it might be a good idea to learn some skills for managing overwhelm while we also learn to:

1. Notice/pay attention   2. Open our hearts to the experience of others  3. Consider actions that are life affirming for us and the other person/people.

Begin now. One of the best ways to start is with some kind of Mindfulness practice like yoga, meditation, or Focusing.

Iolanda Tanase, 8th Grade, appleton School

Iolanda Tanase, 8th Grade, Appleton School

You can join me here on Meditation Mondays.

If you liked what you read here, please share it with a friend.

Comments and questions are welcome either here, or at judy@moveintochange.com. You can find more about me, coaching and coaching with me at moveintochange.com.

More Daniel Geoleman here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yGNhCaKJKk

 

The Power of We: On and Off the Seesaw

Did it ever happen to you that you tell someone about an experience you had (maybe even one you had as a child) hoping they’ll understand something about it and you, and instead they look at you blankly? I’m about to risk that again in this post. Here goes.

We had a seesaw in our backyard. Part of our swing set, our seesaw was  large, metal, extra sturdy, just like the ones at the public park.

I had a love-hate relationship with that seesaw.

I loved the exhilaration of pushing off and waiting for the bump bump  at the top when the other kid touched down abruptly.

I hated coming down from that bump at the top, though. It hurt. And, there was always the real possibility of falling off – backward.

Sometimes, a friend would reach the bottom then jump off so quickly that I’d come crashing down. I can still feel the jaw jamming jolt up my spine. Some friend.

Most of the time, though, it was the usual your turn up, then my turn up, my turn down, then your turn down, which had it’s own repetitive pleasure.

Once  in awhile, there was magic.

My partner and I would hover almost level, attention heightened, sensing an almost imperceptible but real give and take.  Then, a Nano-second of stillness, enough time for grins to spread across our faces.

After, we’d try to return to seesawing as usual but it wasn’t long before we abandoned it for slide or swings.

When deciding what to write for this Blog Action Day post, the theme of which is, “The Power Of We,” I wanted to tell you about Gene Gendlin, founder of Focusing.

I wanted to tell you about his extraordinary years of work teaching people about turning inward to access bodily wisdom; a skill, he identified, that we all possess naturally, and can cultivate without needing a degree or an outside authority.

This Focusing thing is really the name for a specific kind of listening that is possible inside each of us and best accomplished in the presence of  another listener.

While most of us seesaw between the, your turn then my turn kind of relating, Focusing is all about that moment when listening into our own body, we hover, responding to the other, and connect.

The power of listening through Focusing, has transformed the lives of people all over the world. Brought  into more intimate relationship with ourselves, we connect to what is important in us and in the other.**

If cultivating a bigger stronger listening presence for you and your children interests you, click the photo.

** Focusing is used in fields from science, psychotherapy, teaching and sports to coaching and conflict resolution reaching countries all over the world.