Wednesday Words

Cheri Huber

If what Cheri Huber says is true, and you’re not flawed, damaged or “not enough” –  now what? Are you worried that you won’t strive, create or work to improve your life?

It’s a common belief that in order to move forward we need to push ourselves from a feeling of insecurity.  But that story results in a cycle of emotional highs and lows as we quest to  fill the hole and then find it below level – yet again. Just when you thought you’d quieted your inner doubts with proof, hard work, maybe even money, there they are again. Sometimes stronger than before.

Frustrating. Painful.

Here’s the thing. You’ve (we’ve) been asking the wrong questions. We’ve been asking, “How can I make these doubts go away, or at least appease them? What can I give them to shut them up? What shovel is the magic shovel?

Our doubts scare us. We feel bullied by them so we use the same strategies we would have used as school children – ignore, submit, appease, placate, negotiate, fight back, fantasize, and/or join. None of these work for long,  just like they don’t with real life bullies.

Instead, why not try a new approach. The first step is to notice the ‘bully voices,” ultra critical or harsh,  lot’s of I should, why didn’t I, whats wrong with me, I never, I always, etc. Do your best to just notice – I know, it’s hard- maybe write it down or rub your knee when you notice it. AND, this is crucial, give the voice(s) a real name.  Why? Because that will begin to change your relationship to them. That’s what we’re after.

The second step is to notice your reactions to the “new name here” voices without acting on them. Do you jump up to distract yourself (eat, watch T.V., drink, check email), do you get anxious until you do what it says, do you shame yourself for not doing what it says, are you angry at it for “making” you feel bad, etc.? Just notice.

Step Three. Not really the third step, really a throughout  the first two steps kind of thing…be kind – to you. This is new. New skills require encouragement and patience. You’re asking yourself to withstand discomfort. Try yoga or meditation to practice breathing through and with discomfort.

Baby steps.

You are always welcome to poke around at Move Into Change. If you’re ready,  let’s see if we can work together.

Something New

Being afraid isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes you need that trembling feeling to remind you how exciting it is to be doing something new.               – Jim Lewis –

tot with basketball

I feel this way today. Aiming, trembling, wanting, ready with tools in hand.

If you like this, please share. Thanks.

Find more about Judy, coaching, and get good free stuff at moveintochange.com

Wednesday Words

Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space.

–Orson Scott Card

collage Eye

An example of an Artful Insight Collage by a “non-artist.”

ARTFUL INSIGHT COLLAGE WORKSHOP  Tuesday April 30th 6:30 – 8:30 pm or May 1st 9:30 -11:30 AM

Find out more at moveintochange.com

If you like this, please share. Thanks.

Wednesday Words

“I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back….”
                                                                                                     Erica Jong     takingtheplunge1

Ask Judy #7 Fear: Part 1

miners hat“I want you to write a post about fear,” says Kate, as we step into the ink-black tunnel. She’s getting ready to work with a fear that comes up every time she tries to take this step. She wants the comfort of seeing some written guidance, some validation too.

(We’re really in her office, but I imagine us going forward into that forbidding darkness together, miner’s high-beams like third eyes, lighting the way).

So here’s some of what I know – Part 1.

It’s a truth that dealing with fear is ultimately something we experience alone. No one can do it for us. And because of that, we never have to do it; there can be no coercion.

Anyone telling you that you have to face your fear(s) may think they are helping you but they are not. They may believe that if you did (face your fears) you would be happier and they could be right. They may love you and want that for you, but they are not you and you have to be ready. Ready, and in charge of your own process – always.

 Because working with fear is internal  (it’s about you being with you) the work is in your hands. Happily, there are techniques to be learned and help to be had. An empathetic presence of someone else as your companion and guide can make all the difference. With these tools your “hands” grow kinder and will hold more with greater ease than you ever imagined. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself (again).

In Fear: Part 2  I discuss what makes it so difficult to deal with fear. Until then, you might want to give this activity a go (or not):

  • Identify a time you knew you were afraid.
  • Write a list of the sensations that helped you identify what you felt as being “fear.”
  • With all the self-kindness you can possibly stand, and the most honesty you can muster, list how you reacted to it. Here are some questions to play with:

What thoughts came up when you realized you were afraid?

What did you do?

What did you feel about yourself when you handled it this way?

Is this the usual way, or have you ever handled fear differently?

Play lightly, experiment, no outcome required.

Interested in coaching? Read more at  Move Into Change.com