Meditation Monday: Yes

middle pillarA hummingbird mind. Beating wings and long beak hovering for just a second first at my forehead, then at some thought about ancient crowns and wreaths and then onto wondering where to focus my attention – that shoulder…this rise of my ribs- it kept moving until I noticed.

I didn’t count breaths either. As I write, I’m considering how I might justify my choice to meditate on a quality instead of counting breaths. Hide my transgression – I didn’t follow the rules. So there it is.  Now that I’ve said it, I can move on from feeling like I’m supposed to “know” about meditation. I don’t, and really, who does?

Right this moment I know this; I went inside, I sat, I breathed, I paid attention. The part of me that usually “watches,” which I thought was that “witness” so often described in meditation literature, turned out to be more of a gatekeeper. Keeper of the list. Some things are allowed in, others are not.

I reminded myself to explore this new insight later… and then there was something more, something “other” than the gated domain and the opinion of the gatekeeper.

“Yes,” the quality of YES.   Hanging out there (with a yes that feels different from the yes that comes of “I can’t say no,” or the yes of, ” I’m afraid if I don’t say “yes” the opportunity will disappear,” and more solid than the over-excited- bordering -on- anxious – type, yes), breathing, watching, listening, I heard,

It depends on who’s looking.” It depends on who’s looking.

Yes. Separating the looking from who is doing the looking. Or at least, being aware that who’s looking is in charge of what I see, which may be far less than what I can know.

You can sign up for occasional emails with tips and tools for self coaching and more, just click moveintochange.com  Then go forth and tell your friends. Thanks.

Want to ask a private question? email: judy@moveintochange.com

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Meditation Monday: Why Not?

middle pillarYesterday I spent the afternoon in a circle of writers. Why not?

My friend Steve Lewis gathers his friends and writing group members for an annual summer day response to a prompt. This year it was, “Why Not?”

I could be a listener or write something too. Why not?

Why, not?

Oh, and it had to be exactly 87 words.

I wrote something I didn’t much like.  I chickened out  when the time came. But, I was inspired. And, they were nice people too. Why not now?

Premeditated Chatter in Exactly 87 Words

It’s too hot.                                                                                                                       It’s too cold.

It’s very dark,                                                                                                                        I’m too old.

I could just work, my emails ding.                                                                                  Don’t be jerk — think about other things.

I can’t sit still,                                                                                                                   my desk’s a mess,                                                                                                              my hair is dirty and I confess I don’t much want to meditate.                                      Besides, I just ate.                                                                                                           Aren’t I supposed to wait an hour or two?

My bed’s unmade,                                                                                                           My hair is dirty,                                                                                                                      Oh my God it’s now 9:30!                                                                                                     I can’t, there’s a deadline today…                                                                                    Why not count breaths anyway?

You might want to check out moveintochange.com too. That’s where there’s info about life coaching and coaching with me. You can sign up for occasional emails with tips and tools for self coaching and more. Go… and then go forth and tell your friends. Thanks.

Want to ask a private question? email: judy@moveintochange.com

Meditation Monday: Exploding Heads

middle pillar

Last night my son wanted me to watch animated Youtube video – something that made him laugh.  It was made from clips of singing Disney princesses doctored so that in each clip there comes a moment when the heads of Snow White, Cinderella and their doe-eyed cousins are blown off, leaving their headless bodies dancing on and on.  My son thought this was hilarious. Me, not so much.

Though I’ve been known to rant about Disney perpetuating all manner of problematic images of women I bristled at the downright cynicism of this little video. And, I was offended that my childhood heroines (Geez, did I just say that?) were treated so shabbily.  Could it be that I’m attached to Belle and Ariel more than I knew?

Fast forward to this morning’s meditation. I’m watching and breathing, breathing and watching, when I notice that I’m seeing blobs of color ebb and flow in and out of my visual field. The reds, blacks and yellows are spreading and receding in a rhythm.  I wondered if I was “seeing” my breath, but no, it was much faster than my breathing. Was I seeing my actual pulse? Letting that thought go, I synced my breath to the beat of the blobs.  Everything went still…yet my breath was still going in and out, evenly.  The thought, “Who is breathing?” passed by, but the the possibility of an answer made me feel like my head might explode. Not knowing what else to do, I got up and continued my day, doing what I do, singing my song.

Head explode lately? I’d love to hear what meditation is like for you.

You might want to check out moveintochange.com too. That’s where there’s info about life coaching and coaching with me. You can sign up for occasional emails with tips and tools for self coaching and more. Go… and then go forth and tell your friends. Thanks.

Want to ask a private question? email: judy@moveintochange.com

Meditation Monday: In the Mood?

middle pillarI got up and then sat. It was that simple.

Not always so.

Years (many) ago when I first began practicing yoga and  rarely meditated, I read that in order for meditation practice to take hold it was important to set up a routine, to practice at the same time every day, and to sit with a tall spine, all this  because yoga is a discipline.

Sounds right – only my whole being rebelled. I knew a thing or two about discipline. I was a ballet dancer. I knew about showing up even when you didn’t want to, and about willing to snuff out hunger and pain.  I wasn’t interested in that anymore. How was I going to do this new thing, without doing that old one?

I don’t know why, but I let my mood dictate when and how I practiced.  The circumstances in which I felt comfortable enough to even try to get quiet were limited. The air temperature, the amount of privacy, my clothes, and tension levels in my body and mind, all had to be comfortable enough for me to even try. It seemed the only way.

Yes, there was a nagging voice that questioned whether I was just being self-indulgent, but I continued anyhow, trusting that if I started honestly, I’d know when I was ready for the next step. Eventually, yoga  became a daily practice, then a longer daily practice, then I attempted an occasional 5 minute meditation until I felt it was time to get even more serious with 100 day 100 breaths.

Today, today, I didn’t have to be in the mood. I just meditated. Not because I had to, not by rote, not because I wanted to or didn’t want to, not because I promised you I would. Just because I did.

It may not work for you, but it might be worth a try. What happens if you work with the needs?

While the advice you’ll hear – like how to get a good meditation practice going –  is often “true” and good advice, no one – no one – can know your unique needs.

You might want to check out moveintochange.com too. That’s where there’s info about life coaching and coaching with me. You can sign up for occasional emails with tips and tools for self coaching and more. Go… and then go forth and tell your friends. Thanks.

Want to ask a private question? email: judy@moveintochange.com