Wednesday Words

confidence myth #2_bPerfectionism is one of the biggest obstacles to self- confidence.

There are many myths about confidence, and, there are terrific practices to help us stay connected to our confidence and to develop more. While we actively increase our internal and external assets, it’s important to look at the patterns of thinking and believing that get in the way of self- confidence too.

I didn’t even know I was dealing with perfectionism until I started to explore patterns of behavior like avoidance, procrastination, and refusing to say Yes! when a good opportunity came my way and then regretting it.   “Who me? A perfectionist? Me, who can’t even ….” as I went on to list all the ways I wasn’t perfect enough to even call myself a perfectionist — Oh my.

So I did some experimenting. I acted like I was using perfectionistic thinking even though I wasn’t sure. I took to observing where the “never going to be good enough” voices were so quiet and powerful I barely was aware of how quickly I reacted to them.  And yup, the data showed me that it was time to take a look at how to interact with this “stuff.”

If you want more self-confidence, find yourself doubting your skills, avoid things you really want, and then doubt that you even want them, you might experiment with seeing how perfectionism shows up for you.

If you are already experimenting, I’d love to hear how it’s going.

Judy

Judy@moveintochange.com

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Wednesday Words

chooseauthenticitybadgeIt is a choice and the door to joy and freedom. You can download this badge here. If you don’t know know the work of Brene Brown, go now and listen to her TED talk or better yet, read her books.

If you like what you read here, please share with your friends. And, you can go to moveintochange.com to find out about coaching and coaching with me there.

Let’s Stage a Sit In

When I was in high school, student protests against the Vietnam War were everywhere in the news. College kids, just a few years older than I, were camped out in classrooms and administrative offices all over the country effectively disrupting business/school as usual. While I dutifully colored maps of Europe and mended my Pointe shoes, they were attempting to change the world.

Why do I bring up long haired, patchouli-scented, free-love peaceniks of the late 60’s here, now?

Because those ordinary kids weren’t just trying to make change, they were doing it non-violently. They were hoping to influence our culture to include other approaches to conflict. They were staging  Sit-Ins. Sitting. In.

I bring them up because this blog and my sweet itty biz (Naomi Dunford’s name for a small business), are all about change. As in, move into it – change, of course.

I don’t know what got me thinking about Sit Ins, but I started to ask myself;

What if we choose to sit in with ourselves?

What if the goal of my personal sit-in was to be with the conflicted inside parts of me (thoughts, feelings, criticisms, body aches, injuries, emotions) non-violently?

What if I changed my inner culture? What if you changed yours?

How would our lives transform? How would we make changes in the world?

Yes, all well and good, you say, BUT didn’t those hippies end up dirty, jobless, dropped out and drugged in? And, “violent?” Isn’t that a bit extreme?

Well, yes, some of those kids got lost  in wonder and idealism. Some ended up rabid consumers and corporate raiders too. They didn’t dig into the “small steps” practice that makes real and lasting change. You know, the boring kind, the kind that takes a bit of perseverance, willingness to be curious about discomfort and courage to sustain.

And, maybe “violent” sounds extreme to you, but so many of us struggle with harsh and punishing inner critics.

Luckily, every one of us has the capacity to cultivate Curiosity, Gentleness and
Will. And it doesn’t take more than ordinary courage (thank you Brene Brown) to take steps toward change.

If you want, you can stage a Sit In now – it’ll only take 2 minutes and I’ll do it too. I call this one, Exploring the Perimeter.

  • Find a quiet place to be.
  • Put your feet on the floor.
  • Become aware of the air temperature on your skin.
  • Notice any sounds.
  • Come inside to your breathing – but do nothing to change it.
  • Become aware of the outline of your body. Slowly, with your inner awareness (your “mind’s eye”), trace the outermost edges of your body starting anywhere you like. Do this with the care and gentleness you would use if you were tracing a baby’s foot.

How was that? Get lost? Have some parts that you couldn’t sense? Me too!

One more thing, those protesters, they were in it together.

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If you’d like to comment, ask a question, or see if we can stage a Sit-In together, just comment below, or visit me at Move Into Change, you’re welcome anytime.