Here’s what happens.
I listen to clients; in-person, on the phone, via email and in the strange land of Skype. I love listening to clients and I’m learning to love Skype -kinda. In all this listening I hear questions: interesting questions. Questions that are asked in different ways but are essentially the same question, or fall into a category of question. This reminds me that if one person is struggling or curious then it’s likely that others will benefit from knowing about it. This includes me.
So in AskJudy, I’m going to post a question from a client, blog commenter or random person who emails me with one (a question)- Don’t worry, I won’t use your name without asking permission, that would be wrong. And then I’ll answer it as best I can.
Bring on the questions!
Today’s question: “Why can’t I carve a pathway to the thing I desire?”
Wow, this is a pretty sophisticated question with many different answers depending on the context. The context here is that this wonderful person is hard at work on a big project. She really wants to do something for herself that would be fun, get her out of her home to meet people and which would contribute to her physical health and overall well-being. Substitute anything you want from your life in here.
She notices that even though she’s clear about what she wants, can see it and practically taste it; and even though she has great reasons for doing this thing, is really excited about it, she’s been here before and has not been able to follow through on “things that give me pleasure.”
Another way I’ve heard this question asked is, “Why don’t I do the things I know I want?”
Well,there’s a lot here to, be sure, and I’m not going to get to all of it (some of it being specific to individuals) but let’s start with this : If you ask anyone, anyone, how to get good at something like painting, baseball, reading, or building boats inside tiny bottles, they’ll tell you …1,2,3 all together now — PRACTICE.
While we know this, and can often apply it to things like painting, baseball, reading etc., we don’t often think about practicing BEING US, our most authentic selves. Let’s face it, most of us weren’t conditioned to value wholehearted commitment to ourselves (can you hear the voice saying, “That’s selfish?”) We were told that, what others think of us, or want for us was much more important. So no wonder we don’t have a sense of how to go about it.
The first step, the one we have the most control over, is to commit to figuring out how to be ourselves. That means learning more about how I do “me” and how you do “you.”
And, that takes practice. Practice carves pathways – literally, metaphorically, and biologically.